The Story of Abram and Hagar

Genesis 16:1-16, 21:9-14

Beth had a brother named Bobby who was two years older than her. Beth and Bobby were playing Wither the Fig Tree, their favorite board game, when Consuela the cleaning lady came into the room. When Beth saw Consuela, she thought of a question and asked Bobby if he would wait while she went to ask their mother about it.
Beth's mother was in the kitchen baking a batch of sugar cookies in the shape of little tongues of flame. After her mother put down the hot cookie sheet, Beth asked her, "Mother, why does Bobby look more like Consuela than he does like you?"
Beth's mother took off her oven mitts, turned off the oven, and took a seat at the kitchen table. "Come sit in my lap, Dear One, and I'll tell you a story that will explain everything," she said. And this is the story she told:

One day there was a woman named Sarai, the wife of Abram, who was unable to make babies in her tummy and had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. Sarai went to Abram and said, "God hasn't let me grow any babies in my tummy, so maybe you should put your penis in Hagar so that I can grow a baby in her tummy."
Abram thought this was a good idea, so Sarai brought Hagar to him so that they could have sex. But later, when Hagar found out that a baby was growing in her tummy, she got all uppity and didn't like Sarai any more.
Sarai went to Abram and said, "We have a problem. I sent Hagar to have sex with you, and now she hates me because you made a baby grow in her tummy."
Abram said to her, "Look, your servant is yours to do with as you please." But when Sarai beat Hagar up, Hagar ran away.
One of God's angels found Hagar standing by a water fountain in the forest and said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, what are you doing?"
Hagar answered, "I am running from Sarai."
The angel shook his head in disapproval. "Go back to her," he said, "and let her do anything she wants to you. If you do, then I will make sure that your child has lots of children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and other children.
"Also," the angel added, "the baby growing in your tummy is a boy, and he will have too many descendants to count. Your son, who you should name Ishmael, will be a wild man and he will fight with everyone."
So Hagar went back to Abram and gave birth to Ishmael. Abram was ninety-six when his son Ishmael was born.
Many years later, Sarah saw Ishmael acting rudely so she went to Abraham and said, "Throw Hagar and her son out of the house. It makes me upset that her son and my son will both get some of your stuff when you die."
This made Abraham very sad because he did not want to throw his son out of the house, but God said to him, "Don't be sad, Abraham. Listen to Sarah. Isaac will have lots of children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and other children. Ishmael will, too."
So Abraham threw Hagar and Ishmael out of the house, but he gave them some bread and a bottle of water first. And after they left the house, Hagar had nowhere to go so she went to the forest and just kind of walked around.

"So you see, Dear One," said Beth's mother, "sometimes a woman needs help having a baby."
Beth thought about this for a moment. "Well, I hope that Father never has to send Bobby and Consuela into the forest with just bread and water! I would miss brother Bobby very, very much," she said, although the part about missing her brother didn't sound particularly convincing. Then she smiled and hugged her mother, all her questions had been answered.