The Story of First-Born Animals

Exodus 13:1-16

Beth had a dog named Philistine* who she got from the pound when her old dog died. When Philistine was about two years old, Beth found out that Philistine has puppies growing in her tummy. When Philistine had puppies, Beth watched. She saw each puppy come out, and she saw how Philistine took care of the puppies, licking them clean and nursing them.
When Philistine had put out all the puppies, Beth's father came to her and asked, "Which of the puppies was born first?"
"This one, Father," Beth said, pointing to a little gray furball that was stumbling about.
"Thank you, Beth," her father said. Then he picked up the little gray puppy, took it outside, put it on the barbecue, and set it on fire.
This made Beth upset, and she ran to her mother crying and asking why her father had done such a thing.
Beth's mother held her close and ran her hands comfortingly through the girl's hair. "There's a Bible story that explains what your father has done," Beth's mother told her in a soft, comforting voice. And this is the story she told:

One day God was talking to Moses and he said, "The first baby that comes out of every vagina is mine. That goes for both people and animal vaginas."
So Moses went to the people and he said, "Does everyone remember when God helped us to leave Egypt? Well, we promised that we'd eat only flat bread to help us remember. But when God brings us to the land of the Canaanites, the Hittites, and other people (where there are rivers of milk and honey) like he promised he would, we should remember his help in a special way. Every year, on the anniversary of our leaving Egypt, we should eat flat bread for a week, and at the end of the week, we should have a big party. That will help our children remember that God helped us get out of Egypt.
"Also," Moses continued, "When we get where we're going, we should take all the boy babies who were the first to come out of a vagina and set them on fire for God. But if the baby is a donkey, then you should either set fire to a lamb or break the baby donkey's neck. Firstborn people shouldn't be set on fire, so you should burn a lamb for them, too. If anyone asks you why you do that, remind them that God killed all the oldest children so that we would get thrown out of Egypt."

Beth thought about this for a moment. "Well, if that's what God wanted Father to do, then I guess it's all right," Beth said, her tears drying on her cheeks. Then she smiled, hugged her mother, and ran off to name the rest of the puppies. All her questions had been answered.

* 1 Samuel 17:43