The Story of Jacob and Rachel

Genesis 29:1-30:24

On their way to the movies, Beth's father drove them through a very interesting part of Hollywood. There were many women in eye-catching clothing on the street, and Beth noticed that sometimes cars would pull up to the curb and the women would walk over to them.
"Who are those women talking to?" Beth asked her mother from the back seat.
"Those women make their living by charging men money to put their penises in them, and the men are their customers," said Beth's mother. "The men are asking the women how much they charge."
Beth was upset and confused by this. "But Mother," she said, "isn't that kind of naughty?"
"If you are asking whether it is bad to treat women like property and charge money for their favors, then not at all, Dear One," her mother said. "In fact, I know a story from the Bible about just that sort of thing."
And this is the story she told:

One day, Jacob went on a journey to visit the people who live in the east. While he was walking, he saw a well covered by a big rock and surrounded by sheep. It turns out that shepherds liked to bring their sheep to the well to get them water. While Jacob was watching, some shepherds rolled the rock off the well, got water for their sheep, and rolled the rock back onto the well.
Jacob walked up to the shepherds and said, "Who are you guys?"
And the shepherds answered, "We're shepherds from Haran."
"Do you know my Uncle Laban?" Jacob asked.
"We sure do," answered the shepherds.
"How is he?" asked Jacob.
"He's fine," answered the shepherds, adding, "and look, here comes his daughter Rachel now with her sheep."
"Why don't you get water for your sheep and move along," said Jacob.
"It's not time yet," said the shepherds.
While they were talking, Rachel walked up.
When Jacob saw his cousin Rachel and her sheep, he rolled the rock off of the well and got some water for them. And when he was done, he kissed Rachel without asking first, yelled, and started crying.
When he was done crying, Jacob said, "Rachel, I'm your cousin." And Rachel ran away to tell her father all about it.
Laban was so happy to hear that Jacob was visiting that he ran to the well to meet him and invite him to stay over.
After Jacob had been living with Laban for a month, Laban said to him, "I can't let you keep doing work around my house for nothing, Jacob. We're like brothers. How much would you like to be paid?"
This got Jacob to thinking. He knew that Laban had two daughters. The oldest daughter was named Leah, and she was not very pretty, although she had nice eyes. On the other hand, Rachel, the youngest daughter, was pretty and nice. In fact, Rachel was so pretty and nice that Jacob was in love with her.
"I know," said Jacob, "I'll work for you for seven years and in return you will give me Rachel to marry."
"Better to you than to someone else," said Laban.
The seven years passed quickly for Jacob because he was so in love with Rachel. When he was done earning Rachel, Jacob went to Laban and said, "Give me my wife so that I can put my penis in her."
So Laban got all the men in his house together and had a big party. That evening, he took Leah and brought her to Jacob with a piece of cloth over her head so that Jacob wouldn't know who she was. Jacob put his penis in her.
The next morning, Jacob woke up and took the cloth off of Leah's head. "Hey, what's going on here!" he said, and he ran to see Laban.
"What did you do?" Jacob asked Laban. "I was supposed to get to put my penis in Rachel after working for seven years and you gave me Leah. Why did you trick me?"
"Well," said Laban, "It's a tradition around here that a girl cannot have a penis put in her until her older sister has had a penis put in her first. I'll make you another deal: Take a week off to put your penis in Leah some more, then I'll give you Rachel, too. But after that you have to work another seven years for me."
"Okay," said Jacob.
So Jacob had sex with Leah for a week and then Laban gave him Rachel. Jacob put his penis in Rachel and loved her more than he loved Leah. He didn't mind having to work for Laban seven more years.

"I see," said Beth. "So a man owns his daughters and can sell them to other men."
"That's right, Dear One," said her mother.
"So do those women's fathers sell them to the men in the cars?"
"No, there is a man who takes care of selling whole bunches of women, even though they are not his daughters. He's called a'pimp.'"
"I get it. So I guess that men always have to pay when they want to put their penis in a woman, right?" Beth asked.
"No, not at all," her mother said. "Let me tell you more of the story and you will see."

God didn't think it was fair that Jacob loved Rachel more than he loved Leah, so God didn't let any babies grow in Rachel's tummy. Leah on the other hand made three sons named Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah before she stopped letting things grow inside her.
When Rachel noticed that nothing was growing in her tummy, she got jealous of Leah. Rachel went to Jacob and said, "If you don't make me have babies, I'm going to die."
This made Jacob mad at Rachel. He said, "What? Am I God? It's not my fault that nothing will grow in your tummy!"
Rachel said, "I have an idea! Put your penis in my maid, Bilhah, while I'm in the room and if she has any children we'll say that they were mine." Then she gave Bilhah to Jacob for him to put his penis in.
Babies started to grow in Bilhah's tummy, and made two sons before she was done. Rachel named the sons Dan and Naphtali.
Because Rachel's plan had worked so well, Leah gave her maid, named Zilpah, to Jacob for him to put his penis in. Zilpah made two sons, and Leah named them Gad and Asher.
Later on, Reuben was picking flowers and he brought them to his mother, Leah. Rachel saw the flowers and said, "Can I have those?"
"Hey!" Leah said, "Jacob pays more attention to you than he does to me. Why should I give you my son's flowers?"
"Well," answered Rachel, "if you give me the flowers, I'll tell Jacob to put his penis in you tonight."
"Okay," said Leah.
That night, when Jacob got home from work, Leah ran out of the house to meet him. "You have to put your penis in me," she said to Jacob, "because I gave Rachel my son's flowers." That was a good enough reason for Jacob, so he put his penis in Leah.
After that, God listened to Leah and let babies grow in her tummy. She made sons named Issachar and Zebulun. After that she decided to make a daughter named Dinah, too.
When that was all over with, God remembered Rachel and let her grow a baby in her tummy. She made a son and named him Joseph.

Beth thought about this for a moment. "So, if you own a woman, you can give her to a man to put his penis in but if she has babies then they are yours," Beth said, thoughtfully. "And you can also sell yourself to a man's wife so that you can have sex with her husband?"
"Well," said her mother, "it's a bit more complicated than that, but as you grow older, you will understand more."
Then Beth smiled and smiled out the window at the women in their bright makeup and hot pants. The story had answered all her questions, and she took joy in watching women fulfilling the role that God had made for them.